They say it takes a village to raise a child...
And you are one of those villagers if someone close to you has just welcomed a new baby in to their lives. But how can you help without overstepping and work out how to offer the right kind of help they actually need?
I always remember when I had my baby that visitor after visitor would arrive for a quick cuddle with baby and to see how we were doing- we were tired and overwhelmed and now we had to sit politely and serve cups of tea and biscuits to our new babies fan club!
Lovely as they were and as beautiful as it was to see the joy a new baby brings to your loved ones, I really appreciated when my mother would turn up, quickly scan the room, wash up any dishes, maybe empty the bins, and then make US a cup of tea!
There's lots of practical ways you can help and support in a genuine way- all new parents are different so above all else- ask them what they need help with, but if they're not forthcoming, here's some tips to get you started.
Provide emotional support
Just be there without being asked to listen, with no judgement, and without instantly turning it back to yourself. You can share your own experiences, but know that things change, people are different, and you can just smile and nod whilst your loved one offloads and let them know they are not alone however they are feeling.
Help with chores
Bin needs emptying? Recycling need taking out? Dishes in the sink? Floor need sweeping? Washing need folding? Tell them you are here to help whilst they have a brew or focus on baby and crack on no matter how small the task, that's one more thing off their list to lighten the load.
Restock essentials
Tea. Coffee. Milk. Cereal. Nappies. Baby wipes. Nappies. Pasta. Nappies. Nappies. Nappies.
They can never have too many.
Find out what size the baby is in, or grab the next size up so they are ready for when they suddenly outgrow them overnight.
Or if they are eco conscious check out services such as The Nappy Lady or local nappy banks who can advise on reusable nappies and why they are the way to go- saving the planet and your wallet too.
Be Patient
New parents are in the midst of a whirlwind. No longer are they wondering what to do with their evenings or where they will go at the weekend. They are adjusting to a major life change and having detailed conversations about how many nappy changes they've done today and the exact consistency or their contents!
If they don't reply to your messages straight away (or for days) don't get the grump. Their thoughts are full of baby and that doesn't mean you are less important it just means they are responsible for a brand new human and you are a grown human who can look after yourself ;)
Give them a break
It's important that they don't totally lose themselves to baby. In the early days they might struggle to find time to eat or even shower as they put babies needs before their own. Encourage them to take time for self care- if you can pop round in the morning to watch baby whilst they grab a shower or drop off a nutritious breakfast you'll be in their good books for life.
Ask how you can help
This could be something practical. It could be something emotional. It could be something financial. If you need to frame it a certain way than do, but if you can give support in a selfless way then offer it to them with no strings or expectation.
Feed them
Freezable meals are an absolute winner in the early days. If you batch cook a few things it's economical too. Lasagne, tray bakes, curries and stews are all good ideas, as well as portions of cooked meats which can simply be defrosted and added to salads or pasta for a quick meal.
Making a lovely Sunday roast? Offer to cook extra and plate them up a couple of portions and deliver it to them.
You can even create a shared list with other "villagers" so they don't end up with too much food at once- allocate a day each to dropping off an evening meal and that will make it easier for everyone.
Widen their net
An amazing support system can come in finding a group of fellow new parents who they can share notes with, share tips, worries and laughs, and the babies will learn social skills too. They'll get so much from mixing with parents going through the same thing at the same time. People they can relate with directly.
But how?
There's websites such as Peanut or Meet Mums UK where you can connect online and IRL, or try suggesting local baby groups.
Here in Halton we have the fantastic Halton Family Hubs and classes such as Bloom Baby and Moo Music which are always popular and friendly. Play centres such as World of Wonder playtime are unique spaces carefully created to allow you to hang with Mummy and Daddy friends, whilst knowing your child is safe in a beautiful creative play space.
Hire a pro
Hiring a postpartum doula or a sleep expert could be the ticket they need if they have specific issues they are struggling to adjust to.
However, if you see a change in them dramatically and feel they are struggling with postnatal depression let them know there's no shame in talking to their GP or health visitor to get them the help they need.
Becca x
